Draft Yelp Review of Holiday Inn Express, Springfield IL, on 8th Grade Field Trip

The lobby ran out of lemon water at 11:30PM. The room did not come equipped with a microwave, safe, toaster, or mini-fridge. I brought popcorn and I had to eat the unpopped kernels for dinner.

They have no pool. My colleagues and I had to go (in the cold) to the *nice* hotel next door. There, I was poisoned by mild chemical weaponry in the form of pool chlorine. The hot tub was under construction.

I suspected tub feces. I awoke with pinkeye. The wifi password is “cupcake”.

The shower was cold and riddled with mold. Overall: best hotel experience I’ve ever had.


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